Lessons
by Little Miss GG
Summary: Malcolm Reynolds has got a lot to learn
1. Chapter 1

So the war was over, lost and won and both sides weren't sure which they were and Mal had to start every day remembering how to breath in and then breath out, how to put one foot in front of the other, how to talk and eat and drink just enough that things stopped stinging.

There were things that he forgot and never realised and things he never tried to relearn, things that as he stood on some backwater, godforsaken planet with nothing but his clothes and Zoe to his name, he didn't think he needed to relearn. Things like love and faith, things like patience and laughing. He was a solider unsure even, how to be a human being.

The first night, after the war was really over, Malcolm Reynolds stared at the stars and marvelled at just how empty they seemed. So distant and cold, he wondered if there was anyway things could get worse. Abandoned by his heroes, his commanders, his God.

The first time he sleeps with someone after the war it comes a bit of a shock that he's not as experienced as he'd like. But then, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise, barely nineteen when he signed up for the brown coats there wasn't all that much time for sex, let alone love. And he'd always been told that God wanted him to wait and when he did it should be for love and marriage and when he realised that it weren't so much women he was leanin' to he was too ashamed to act for a while. Yes there had been drunken, youthful gropes of girls and boys behind barns and in back alleys but he'd never gotten further than a pretty girls mouth wrapped round his dick and the guilty knowledge that he was imagining it was someone more... male. He had been pushed to his knees a few times and enjoyed every moment of it but it never really progressed much further.

So the first time, after Hera, that he finds himself in a room, above a bar, Zoe in the room next door and this acre of naked chest laid out on the bed before him Mal learns about lust. The purity of it hits Mal in the gut and remembers all of a sudden exactly what it is to be human. It's the first thing other than pain and fear he's felt in a long while. He wastes no time stripping down and climbing on top of this man, fulfilling the need to run his tongue over flesh, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of another human being not mixed with gunpowder or dirt or death. He abandons himself to the sins of the flesh, hands and tongues and dicks and every other body part he can reach and then he's fucking and being fucked and the acute knowledge that this is _not_ love, this is _not _ what they told you about in church and school and fairy tales.

In the morning he's not sure if should pay or get paid or just sneak away with his head hung low. The question is answered when the man (whose name he's never sure he knew) leaves silently before sunrise. Zoe says nothing the following morning of what she's heard and they sit, forcing down protein paste both away in their own universes.

Smiling is the next lesson. He remembers the first time after Serenity Valley, the first time the corners of his mouth twisted upwards of their own accord, the sun half blinding him as he turned and saw her. Some things just can't be taken from you, even in the darkest, hardest, coldest moments of your life when you think you'll never be human again, when you lay battered and bruised and crying some things remain.

Three years later and they're in the sky and Zoe is in love and Mal is jealous. He's shared his bed with a few more folk, got himself some experience but still no experience of love and he watches Zoe sometimes wondering if maybe she has to work hard to make it look so easy. Mal doubts it's real and nearly chokes on his coffee when she tells him Wash has proposed. Mal has to admit, with little Kaylee and Wash the joker around he smiles a little more these days. Not often mind, but it's not something he thought he'd ever do again, so when he sits down to a meal with his three man crew and laughs at Wash's dino stories and Kaylee's tales of home, something in him settles. Something comes alive that he thought long dead.

He can do this, hardly ever has to remind himself to breath in and out, eats when he's hungry, drinks not just to take away the pain. He can do this. Some things, it's seems, come back to us without us even having to try.

When they take on Jayne the dynamics of their little crew shifts somewhat, while there's a few fireworks Jayne and Mal hit it off, and Mal realises it's been a good long while since he had a male friend around, coz yeah Wash is a buddy but he's Zoe's man and that just makes it weird. Mal likes having Jayne around even if he can be a little... challenging at times.

The first night they kiss is different from other kisses Mal's had, different from many Jayne's had not that he'd admit it. It's not urgent or angry, it's not even coz he's been drinking. It's slow for one thing, no agenda behind this kiss, there is no race to get from here to something else. It's deeper too, Mal feels Jayne's tongue tracing along his palate and across his own tongue, feels their lips brushing together, Jayne's hand snaking round Mal's neck and brushing his fingers through the hair he finds there.

And then his mouth is moving, Jayne's mouth is sliding down Mal's neck and up one side and, _ oh God just there _ , makes Mal whine a little. There's another hand at his hip now, pulling him close as Jayne's tongue dips into his ear and he's whispering something so hot Mal's afraid his bones'll melt. And the kisses go on, up and along Mal's cheekbone, a chaste little kiss against his eyelid, down the side of his nose before it's tongue to tongue and - God they _never_ talked about this in church. Mal wishes he could describe it, thinks of all sorts of words he's known but never felt; _passion, fire, rapture, yearning..._

Though this began in the cargo bay they end up in someone's bunk and Mal can't work out how they got here but it's not high on his list of things he's got to find out. There are more pressing matters like what does Jayne look like naked and has he got skins and what does his collar bone taste like?

"Tzao gao!" Mal's never heard a curse sound so much like a prayer in all his life. He licks the long line of Jayne's collar bone again and again just to hear the big man whisper like that. Like he was praying. It's a sound Mal misses, something he might dwell on in other circumstances. As it is he just trips Jayne backwards towards the bed as he's pulling his faded red T-shirt up and off. As Jayne lays back Mal is once again confronted with an acre of naked chest. Mal smiles and once again he succumbs to the lust, to the desire to _taste _.

This lack of haste, the feeling as though this could last all night and all tomorrow and they have all the time in the worlds is new, something that Mal has never felt before and wants to keep forever. So he takes his time, tracing the out line of each muscle with a sharp pointed tongue, every scar, every pore, every inch under his tongue tasting like man and men and Jayne and lust and Mal's ripping Jayne's pants off just to get at some more skin.

He has no idea when he lost his clothes but suspects it's got a lot to do with Jayne's clever hands and clever fingers that are now winding through his hair and running patterns over his shoulders as he descends, always tasting. A hip, a thigh, the crease behind Jayne's knee, before trailing upwards and in one artful swallow a respectable part of that slightly obscenely proportioned cock is in his mouth and down his throat. Jayne arches up off the bunk and Mal can't help but stare at that look on Jayne's face, all those words come flooding back to him; _rapture, fire_...

Mal is pretty skilled at this now, a few years of practise and he can make a man come in a few minutes. But this? This is not about speed or pay back or returning a favour, this is something Mal wants to draw out, he wants Jayne to arch up like that again, over and over, he wants to hear more of those whispered prayers, he finds that his own pleasure can be suspended, that in fact this is part of it. He is shocked to find that he relearns patience, right there in that bunk, four and half years after Serenity Valley, half way between some moon and the stars and even more surprised that it is Jayne that teaches him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jayne gets shot during a job on Deadwood. About a year a bit now since Mal and him been together and he lays bloody in the dirt while Zoe and Mal kill every last bad guy in site. It takes Mal a moment to realise that Jayne hasn't stood up or at least complained, shaken off the bullet wound like most men would a mosquito bite and when he turns and sees Jayne out cold his blood freezes in his veins. This, he thinks, this is why you keep your distance, this is why you never get involved with crew and a thousand other warnings flash through his mind in a second. Zoe screeches his name and he falls to his knees looking for the bullet hole and trying hard not to check for a pulse in case he can't find it.

Simon works for hours, Zoe doing her part, Mal mainly hovering and getting in the way as they replace lost blood and try and remove the bullet. Lodged at the base of Jayne's neck and shoulder, just above his collar bone, and by every reasoning he should be dead by now. Mal hears Simon say it under his breath, hears the words and is strangely comforted by them. Should be dead.

But isn't.

When the chaos subsides, when Jayne is stable and Zoe is gone and it's just Mal finally sitting after the third command, Simon begins slowly explaining the implications of lack of oxygen and loss of blood and chipped bones. Mal listens to it all, though understands not a lot and when Simon's mouth is closed again Mal can only ask one question.

"Will he be ok?"

The look of doubt that flickers over Simon's features would be enough to break many men. Mal is not like many men. He adjusts his tone and this time it's a statement not a question.

"He'll be ok." And Simon looks up and before he can stop himself he's asking how? As though Mal could possibly know more in this situation than he does.

"Because he will. Because he has to be." Simon nods, not entirely sure he understands, but when he tells Book about it later the Shepherd gives him a warm smile and pats him on the shoulder.

"A little faith goes a long way my son." Simon is none the wiser, he doesn't believe that God is in his infirmary and he worries that the Captain is in denial. Mal spends every day, every night at Jayne's side and even Wash can't bring himself to argue, to point out that when Zoe was injured he was forced out of the infirmary. Simon is struck by the patience of the man, simply sitting and _waiting_ for Jayne to be better as though it were inevitable.

A week later and the Doctor is left open-mouthed and bug-eyed as Jayne saunters out of the infirmary, Mal's hand on his ass and a hungry glint in both their eyes. A smile on Mal's face like he always knew. Everything Simon knows says that Jayne should be dead or brain dead or comatose or brain damaged or at the very least hooked to a ventilator.

River dances in and around her brother before coming to a dead stop by his left ear. She leans over and brushes her lips against his cheek, smiling. "Patience is a virtue and virtue is in faith. I keep him close to me, I keep him safe." She sings the lines to a familiar melody and skips away, leaving Simon to ponder Jayne the medical miracle.

_"Why when I talk about faith do you always assume I'm talking about god?" _

And so, six years after Malcolm Reynolds parted company with his fluffy lord he learns lesson number three. Faith in God, some vengeful son of a bitch sitting in the sky playing dice with men's lives? No, Malcolm Reynolds does not believe in him. Cannot. Will not. But faith, he realises, as he leaves the infirmary after a week, and some time later as he steps out of that elevator and finds them wounded but alive, waiting for him, faith can be a very useful thing. Faith is what keeps men fighting long after they should be dead. Believing in something, that's how Mal is still standing at the end of that fight, it's what keeps Zoe and Jayne and River alive even though they should be dead three times over, it's what makes Simon breath, what makes Kaylee sit up and smile.

When they bury the old man in the ground he thinks maybe the Shepherd might find some peace knowing that at least one of his heathens got the message.

The final lesson is much harder to learn, not just because Mal never really knew it in the first place, but because he doesn't want to learn. Because if he learns this lesson, it means he has so much more to loose. But then, he thinks back to that first kiss, to when he was sitting in the infirmary, to when he looked down to find Jayne shot but alive in that corridor, and he realises he's too late. His lessons been learnt.

He turns over in bed, three years and he's still forced to grin when he finds Jayne's sure, solid form there next to him. Sitting up a little Mal leans over and kisses Jayne awake, all slow and gentle, taking his time to trace Jayne's lips and tease them apart as Jayne wakes.

"Mornin'." Mal greets him between kisses.

"Mmmm..." Jayne's lips are back on him, trailing down his neck as his hands wrap round Mal's arm, with one firm tug Mal is pulled over on top of Jayne, and they lay there in a boneless heap joined at the mouth, murmuring between kisses.

They're between jobs at the moment, Serenity burning across the skies again, her crew safe and mostly sane. Nothing to rush for, nothing to worry over. Mal sits up a little, straddling Jayne's hips and looks down at his lover. _Husbands _ . That's what Kaylee calls them, when Zoe's not around to look wounded or Simon who just looks plain unsettled.

"What?" Jayne squints at him, still waking up. He wraps his calloused hands round Mal's hips and rubs his thumbs in little circles over Mal's warm skin. He gets a little half growl that he was expecting and a kiss, all slow and gentle that he wasn't.

It's not often that Mal gets all soft like this, it's even rarer since Miranda. He gets a bit weepy sometimes, talking on Wash and the Shepherd gets him like that. And Kaylee. Kaylee's takin' it not so well, she gets herself all worked up some nights and Jayne and Mal end up stayin' awake and talking and making jokes and drinking till she stops sobbing and crawls back to bed with Simon.

But this morning Mal ain't sad, he's got that smile on his face like he could take on the 'verse and win if he had a mind to. As it is he just seems intent on eating Jayne alive which isn't so bad. He wriggles around atop Jayne for a while, his hands everywhere at once, teasing and pinching and pulling until Jayne growls and grabs his wrists pulling away from a kiss to look up at the Captain with a dirty grin.

"You planning to get this show on the road any time soon?"

"You want this?" Mal asks with a laugh in his voice, grinding his hips forwards just once bringing their two cocks together with a hiss and moan.

"Always." Jayne manages to growl before gripping Mal's hips and directing the action himself. He doesn't get very far before Mal is leaning over the edge of the bunk and grabbing up the slick before righting himself and flicking the bottle open. He rubs some of the slick between his hands before reaching down to slip his hand round Jayne's cock, a little too tight at first, sliding his fist down real slow before applying plenty of lube to the hot, red head of his cock.

Jayne's grip on Mal's hips tightens. Jayne can be a patient lover, the record so far being four hours without either of them breaking for air. But in the mornings he's got no time for foreplay, for teasing, hell for words normally. Mal knows better than to keep him on the edge for too long. Patience is a virtue but Jayne ain't never been too virtuous.

Mal watches Jayne's eyes go dark as he slicks himself up, a quick slide of two fingers up inside himself. Jayne growls again and that noise just goes straight through Mal like bullet to the gut. He leans back a little, sitting up dead straight before gripping Jayne's cock tight at the base and lowering himself down real slow. They both gasp at the first contact, Jayne's fingertips leaving a pretty little arch of bruises over Mal's ass where he's holding on for dear life.

As Mal slides all the way down, his ass resting against Jayne's hips, is head tips back and all thoughts leave his brain through his cock as Jayne's artful fingers run along his length. Mal rises up shakily on his knees before lowering himself down again. He lays his hands flat against Jayne's chest, one hand over Jayne's racing heart. He watches the big mans eyes flutter shut as he picks up the pace just a little. Jayne reaches down and takes Mal's cock in one huge hand, pulling in slow, tight strokes that make Mal gasp and squirm a little.

In all Jayne's experience (and it's pretty plentiful not to mention colourful) he's never found anything so perfect and intense as making love to Mal. When there's nothing else in the world but the two of them and the slow slide of flesh against flesh and lips over lips and hushed words and gentle touches. As much as he wants it to last forever, nothing ever does and soon Mal is rocking harder, more insistent, the bed creaking beneath them as Mal bumps his hips down harder against Jayne's cock.

"Oh god, oh god Jayne!" Mal drags his nails down Jayne's chest and grips his sides as he leans forward, pressing their mouths together in a sloppy kiss, teeth clacking and nipping at lips as Jayne pumps up into Mal's body without restraint. Mal's cock is trapped between their bodies and it's not quite enough, he leans back and takes it in his trembling fist. Jayne's breath hitches, he loves to watch Mal and now is no exception, his eyes glued to Mal's fist sliding back and forth. Jayne braces himself on one hand and sits up a little, his free hand releasing Mal's hip and gripping the back of his neck and pulling him down for a bone melting kiss.

With a breathless cry Jayne pulls away from the kiss and comes hard, his hips thrusting up of their own volition. Mal groans at the sensation and quickens his pace, his hand pulling at his own dick hard. Jayne's fingers wrap round his and together they bring Mal over the edge. Mal comes with Jayne's name on his lips and collapses onto Jayne's chest without a care for the fact that they'll be stuck together later. Jayne slips from Mal's body and they both grunt at the sudden loss and the cold. Jayne reaches down and hooks the blanket with a finger, pulling it up over the two of them and rolling Mal so that they lay face to face under the blankets.

Jayne watches as the stupid 'I just got some' grin hovers on Mal's lips even after the Captain's eyes shut. It's not long and Jayne's asleep too, and they lay, tangled up and sticky under the blanket for hours. They only wake when River comes over the com three hours later and declares that if they don't leave their bunk in the next five minutes she's coming in to surgically separate them. When they emerge the whole crew is sitting down to lunch and they receive a round of applause, everyone smiling and teasing and stealing food from each others' plates.

Mal takes the controls that night, River wants to spend the night reading some book she picked up on their last job. He sets the navsat and leans back in the chair. Wash's dinos are frozen in the middle of some epic battle across the radar screen, River sees to it that they don't get lonely. Mal smiles, remembering the pilot and his hideous shirts, his stupid jokes and his wedding day. His gaze finally pulls away from the dinos and out to the black, to the thousand and one stars lighting their way. Malcolm Reynolds stares out at those lights and marvels at how alive they seem. He wonders, with his crew and his lover and his friends asleep and safe, in his ship, that is still flying in a sky that is just so huge and so free... he wonders if things could possibly get any better.


End file.
